I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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