If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
