Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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