i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
