I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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