he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
