he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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