Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
