I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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