i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
