I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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