I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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