she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
