i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
