so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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