Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
