I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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