My boss' voice literally gives me gas
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
