Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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