it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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