i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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