Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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