ugly people sure do ruin things
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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