You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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