No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
