well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
