i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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