Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
