My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
