Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
