id be glad to
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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