Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Fuck appropriateness.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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