if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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