I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
