I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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