seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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