If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
