After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize
