just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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