my shit smells like andre
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
