five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
