We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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