You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
