he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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