Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
