So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
