i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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