Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
