Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize