You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
