then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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