so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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